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Year: 2019

Growing Up Granger

As I approach Flourish and Blotts, I am greeted by a line that emerges from door and reaches further down Diagon Alley, so far that I cannot see the end. Today marks the release of Mrs. Hermione Granger first book, “Growing Up Granger”. In her autobiography, Granger discusses what is was truly like to be a Muggle-Born student at the infamous Hogwarts School of Witchcraft And Wizardry. Among other topics is the truth behind her experience growing up with and learning with The Boy Who Lived.

I was given the opportunity to meet with the author and ask her a few questions about her best seller! Upon arrival in the shop, I was asked for my ID. I was promptly escorted to a room in the rear of the store. The blue wall paper of the small space made it feel homey and welcoming, there were a few fluffy velvet chairs. There were windows on almost every wall and the room was filled with warmth and natural light. There is a small table of assorted snacks from various shops in Diagon Alley. Mrs. Granger entered the space with an air of sophistication and we began what I can only call one of my most honest and hilarious interviews ever. The following is an excerpt from the memorable conversation.

Orion: “Mrs. Granger it’s so nice to finally meet you!” I stood to shake her hand.

Hermione Granger: “ You as well! Please sit.” She shook my hand with a kind smile and gestured for me to sit in the cushy red-velvet chair beside her.

Orion: “Thank you for agreeing so graciously to this interview! The Daily Prophet is more than thrilled to be getting this exclusive!”

Hermione Granger: “I wouldn’t want to speak with anyone else! Where would you like to begin?” She crossed one leg over the other and smiled attentively.

Orion: “Wonderful! To start, in your book you stated that being a Muggle-Born student was not as challenging as others have made it seem. What exactly did you mean by that?”

Hermione Granger: “While I was a student at Hogwarts, I had my negative experiences but I must say most of my school years were wonderful; full of adventure and friendship!” She had a wistful smile in her face as she reminisced about her school years. “I learned to hold my own against those who targeted me and after a while, they realized that I wasn’t letting them get to me. The naysayers thrive off of reactions. If you don’t give them one they leave you alone!”

Orion: “It sounds like you had quite the challenge! What was it like when you found out you were a Witch?”

Hermione Granger: “Oh, it was simply magical!” Granger winked and laughed a bit at her own joke. “My parents were rather confused at first but they were simply overjoyed once they had thought it over. Mum made sure to give me enough money so that I could go to Gringotts and trade it in. My father was quite shocked when I received my letter.”

Orion: “I can imagine! And what was it like growing up with Ron and Harry as friends? Your adventures are quite well known.”

Hermione Granger: “I guess your readers will just have to buy my book to find out!” Granger had a mischievous smile on her perfectly lined lips.

Orion: “I suppose so! Thank you for your time Mrs.Granger!” I stood and shook her hand again.

I was quickly escorted out of the room by a rather burly man. The large crowd in the shop had only grown in size since I had initially entered. It’s hard to tell who is more famous now; The Boy Who Lived or Hermione Granger? Tune in next time for the whole interview!

Muggle Tours Coming Soon

Today, the Departments of Magical Transportation and Magical Tourism issued a release announcing a new and exciting way to learn about muggles!

The Knight Bus Line has officially launched its Meet the Muggles Tour Lines. “This tour line is going to be a fun introduction to our non magical counterparts,” stated department head Percy Weasley. “We have been working on this project for some time, and we are happy to announce that you may now start booking your own Muggle Tour!”

This recent announcement has sparked some controversy with members of our community who have more traditional views on non-magical integration. “Why would someone want to learn more of their ways and put us at risk for exposure?” questioned a heated Richard Greengrass. “This will just put our way of life in jeopardy, and the Ministry shows a blatant disregard for the Statute of Secrecy with this mess.”

This is not the first time the Ministry has been under fire for its decisions, especially when it comes to The Department of Transportation. When the Knight Bus debuted in 1865, The Prophet received its fair share of owls bringing messages of discontent and plans to boycott claiming the program’s inception was a “muggle-esque outrage.”  While concern for the Statute of Secrecy is logical, the transportation department has put the same charms on the triple decker tour buses that they have for the knight buses. Concealment, Disillusion, and Silencing charms will conceal the buses and all passengers, as well as an imperturbable charm to keep objects out of the way, like the traditional knight bus.   

“We have taken every precaution to ensure that the Statute of Secrecy remains intact, and you will not find any flaws in our precautions. The charms were applied by the best charms experts employed by the Ministry. I have the utmost faith in them and their ability to maintain our secrets,” Weasley stated.

Mr. Weasley went on to further state that anyone who is planning on attending a tour should dress like muggles, much like when they take their children to Platform 9 ¾  for school. They will enter through the general entrance of King’s Cross Station. Recommended dress and additional information will be included with your ticket purchases.

These tours will provide a sneak peek inside muggle life, taking you inside muggle villages where you’ll see how they live, attend school, and shop. Tours are available on weekends starting in April. Much like traditional Knight Bus fares, there will be different packages available, including group rates. Tours will feature many historical muggle landmarks and locations, such as Buckingham Palace, The Tower of London, and The View from the Shard. Special Holiday Tours will also be available during the Halloween and Christmas seasons.

How do you our readers feel about these new tours? We await your owls!

We Are The Weasleys: An Interview With Bill Weasley

Welcome back to our ongoing interviews for “We Are The Weasley’s.” After my delightful meeting with Molly and Arthur Weasley, we realized just how important the weekends are for the family. So instead of our original weekend meeting, I caught up with their eldest son, William “Bill” Weasley, at Gringotts Wizarding Bank, where Bill works as a Senior Account Coordinator. His office is just across from that of his wife, Fleur Weasley (neé Delacour) who serves as the International Account Management Director for Gringotts, transferring accounts to Britain from wizards and witches who have lived abroad.

The interior of his office feels more like a home than an office space. I am greeted by plush chairs and a variety of knick-knacks. Photos of his three children, his wife and their extended family cover the walls. There is an enormous foe detector in one corner, and a miniature clock. Modeled after the one found in his parents home, the clock contains hands with photos of himself, his wife, and his children with the hands pointing to their location. With two hands on “School,” two on “Work,” and one on “St. Mungo’s,” I find myself smiling at the familial tradition and mildly concerned.

Bri: “Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Weasley.”

Bill: “Thank you, Ms. Wilkerson for being so accommodating of our schedule and understanding of our time. It is rather refreshing. My parents spoke quite highly of you. I’m sorry that Fleur will be unable to attend today; she has had a last-minute consult come in.”

Bri: “That is quite alright. Business first! D’you mind if we jump right in, Mr. Weasley”

Bill: “Not at all! And please, call me Bill!”

I smile at his congeniality. Bill leans back in his chair, getting comfortable as I sink further into the plush black chair.

Bri: “Excellent! It’s rare in this day and age to see a family have so many children. Few of us can even imagine it. What was it like growing up as the oldest of seven?”

Bill: “I’d say it’s not that different from growing up with one sibling or two. There’s just, y’know, more people. Especially as we grew up, there were definitely personality clashes over the years, but such is life.”

Bri: “Can you give me an example? Certainly, you have some stories to tell.”

Bill laughs, his face splitting into a grin.

Bill: “I think the biggest clashes had to be between Percy and… well, all of us.” His grin turns sheepish, his smile a bit rueful. “Percy has always been a bit more straight-laced than the rest of us. He and the twins definitely butted heads. Fred and George went out of their way to annoy him. One summer, they kept hiding his books. Percy about went ballistic before Mum and Dad stepped in.”

Bri: “Do you feel like these conflicts in personality helped you down the line?”

Bill: “If anything, I feel like I was better able to see things from multiple perspectives. I learned young how to help keep the peace, and I feel like that helped me not just in Hogwarts, but continues into my day to day life.”

Bri: “From what I understand, your Hogwarts years were quite the adventure. You were involved in the events of the Cursed Vaults, correct?”

Bill: “Indirectly. I was just helping out my friend, though it did lead me to this career path. Figuring out the vaults was a challenge, and it was one of my favorite things about working in the tombs in Egypt as a curse-breaker.”

Bri: “Sounds like you miss it,” I observe mildly.

Bill nods, looking a bit wistful.

Bill: “Ah, I do. But I also love the life I have now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, and I get to consult abroad on some interesting cases now and again. I’d much rather be here with my family.”

Bri: “Rumor has it that your family did not take to well to your lovely wife at first?”

Bill: “That is a bit of an understatement,” Bill replies with a fond grin and a nervous laugh. “Fleur is wonderful, really, but she is a very vocal person. She is blunt and direct, and oftentimes, her words are misconstrued and considered rude. In her youth, she really struggled with it, and being that English is not her native language did not help. She oftentimes struggled to find the appropriate wording, and it led to some disparities in the beginning. The worst of it resolved years ago, back during the war. War really brings out the best and worst in people, and it helped my family to see the best of her.”

Bri: “What part did you play in the war?”

“In the beginning, I was indirectly involved. When I was young, we lost my uncles in a death eater attack. Once I had met Harry at the 1994 World Cup, the war started heating up. He and Ron are so close; [they] were back then, too. I knew that Ron would end up in the thick of it all with Harry, and I wanted to be here to support them and my family. I wanted to help see Voldemort’s defeat.”

Bill: “So I took a desk job here, pushing papers as a Junior Accountant. Fleur had the same job and was training to work abroad as well, and we hit it off. She joined the Order with me, and together we helped to gauge the goblins loyalties. People were terrified that [the goblins] would turn on us and deny us access to our vaults, but that fear was unfounded.”

Bill: “To my knowledge, it was during the war that you obtained those scars. Might I ask how?”

Bill: “It’s a question I’ve come to expect. You see, Harry had always been a nosy fellow. He’ll even tell you so himself,” Bill replies with a laugh. “Great bloke, Harry. When he began telling my father that he thought Draco Malfoy was involved with the Death Eaters, we didn’t quite believe him. But when Ron summoned us to the castle the night that Dumbledore died, Harry proved us wrong. It was the first real battle that I had been a part of. Draco managed to get the Death Eaters in, and during their battle to leave the castle, I was wounded by Fenrir Greyback, leaving me with the scars you see on my face. However, since he was not transformed, I was spared in sharing his fate, though I have since found that I am restless near the full moon, and prefer my steaks very rare. Minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of things.”

Bill: “It was after my attack that my family reconciled with Fleur. We were engaged, and she took such wonderful care of me as I healed. Though I wouldn’t have chosen this for myself, I couldn’t have asked for a better caretaker and partner through it all.”

Bri: “Being that he was the one who smuggled them into the school, do you blame Draco Malfoy for your injuries?”

Bill: “Absolutely not.” There’s a protective determination to Bill’s expression that reminds me of my own older brother. The expression he wears when defending someone, be it sibling or not. “The only person I blame for [my injuries] is Fenrir Greyback himself. Draco has received enough flak from the press over the years. He was a scared kid who did what he thought he had to do to save his family. Had I been his age and in his shoes, I honestly think I may have made the same choice. We’ve spoken since it all; I actually manage his accounts now. While I can’t say we are particularly close, he has grown to be a good man, who I believe has suffered enough hatred, persecution and slander over the years.”

Bri: “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to appear as if I am against him or am attacking his character. I’ve actually got an interview scheduled with him a few months from now. But I would be remiss to not ask what I know many of our readers will want the answer to.”

Bill: “I’m not angry with you, Ms. Wilkerson. You strive to get the full story, not just one part of it. It’s something that I rather respect about you. Few journalists do that anymore.”

Bri: “Please, call me Bri.”

Bill: “But of course, Bri. I appreciate your thorough interview.” He smiles brightly at me, and I am absolutely certain that my cheeks have turned pink.

Bri: “Thank you, Bill. If I may return to the topic at hand, what happened after your attack and recovery?”

Bill: “Well, the Ministry of Magic crashed our wedding. I have to say, that was quite the surprise.” I find myself chuckling at his wry smile, the tension of my possible faux-pas broken. “When Scrimgeour was killed and the Death Eaters took over the Ministry, they came to my parents house during our reception in search of Harry. Hermione was prepared for such events. -I swear that woman is prepared for everything. It’s a bit scary.- She got Harry and Ron out, and then the war truly began.”

Bri: “Once you were situated back in England, how did you adjust to the war-time environment?”

Bill: “For us, there was a lot of waiting around. Fleur and I moved into my Aunt’s cottage near the beach and got settled in, but war really puts a damper on the newlywed spirit. It was a constant wait for news. For word from anyone that Harry, Ron, and Hermione were okay. No news was good news, but no news is still frightening.”

Bri: “Is there a particular bit of news you received back then that sticks out in your mind now?” I ask, shifting to lean on the other armrest.

Bill: “Yes, actually. Ron showed up at our place that Christmas. An item of dark magic that he had come in contact with had driven him to leave Harry and Hermione. He wasn’t with us long, but it was clear he regretted leaving. He wasn’t in his right mind when it happened, but it was nice to get some solid information. Nothing very specific, but to have [news] from a first-hand source was a nice change of pace. Once he left, things were quiet again until April.”

Bill: “When they narrowly escaped Voldemort at Malfoy Manor, Ron brought Harry, Hermione and a few other prisoners to our place. For about two weeks, we were taking care of everybody while they recovered and rested. It was a relief to be doing something, to feel like we had some hand in it all. After they left, it was less than twenty-four hours before the final battle. Harry, Ron and Hermione had their infamous Gringotts break-in and breakout, and by that evening, Fleur and I were at the castle with our family for the final battle.”

Bri: “I can’t imagine going from such a slow pace to the final battle that quickly was easy.”

Bill: Bill nods in agreement. “It was surreal, how quickly everything built up. There was no time to think about anything, we just acted. It didn’t feel like the end of a war, just another battle, one with many young lives on the line. Fred- I don’t think we’ll ever stop missing him. He was such an intelligent and lively man. His life was cut far too short. Twenty-one is so young for a wizard to die, and he wasn’t even the youngest lost in the battle.” The distant expression he wears now is fathomless, and I find myself struggling to find a less upsetting topic.

Bri: “Your eldest daughter, Victoire, was born on the anniversary of the battle, correct?”

Bill: A small smile quirks his lips. “Yes, she was. It’s crazy to think that was more than nineteen years ago. She graduated from Hogwarts last summer.”

Bri: “Forgive me if the question is too forward, but,” I begun as I gesture to the clock upon his desk, “I see her clock hand is pointed at St. Mungo’s. Is she alright?”

Bill chuckles. “Victoire is training to become a Healer. Her hand doesn’t show as ‘work’ because her position is an apprenticeship. If she were apprenticing anywhere not listed on the clock, she would show as being in school. But Vic is excelling in her studies, and is on track to be a fully trained Healer by the time she turns twenty-one.”

Bri: “Oh, marvelous! I’m glad she is alright, and that she is doing well! I wish her nothing but the best! And what of your younger children, Dominique and Louis?”

Bill: “Dominique is in her final year and Hogwarts, where she is currently trying to decide between several professional quidditch teams. Several scouts have approached her about going pro, though she is leaning towards the Holyhead Harpies, her Aunt Ginny’s alma mater. Female beaters are in high demand, though, so she isn’t counting anything out yet. Dom has until September to decide so that she can train up for next season.”

Bill: “Louis is busy preparing for his O.W.L.’s. He’s very much the bookish type, and hopes to become an Unspeakable in the future. He is working diligently on achieving the highest scores he can, and I have no doubt that he will succeed. Fleur and I are extremely proud of our children and their ambitions.”

Bill: His pride bleeds through into his smile, and I find myself smiling back. “I look forward to seeing more from them all in the future. It seems that our time is just about up. You are a busy man; I don’t want to keep you too long. I just have one final question for you. If there was only one piece of advice you could give, one thing you could share with the world as a standard you live by, what would it be?”

Bri: “A Muggle once said, ‘Do what you love, and you will never work a day in your life.’ So many people keep jobs they hate and let it drag them down. Then they take that negativity home, and struggle through their day to day. Fleur and I love what we do, and I feel that it helped us foster a positive and healthy environment for our kids. All we want is for them to be happy. Life is too short and too precious to spend your days unhappy.”

Stay tuned for our next interview featuring Charlie Weasley!

Fantasy Quidditch Sweep The Nation

A new trend is sweeping through the magical community. Well, the sports enthusiasts anyway!

The Daily Prophet has recently discovered an increasing number of participants in the new trend of Fantasy Quidditch.

This new fad is the brainchild of Terry Boot of the Department of Magical Games and Sports. Boot, a half-blood who still has ties to the muggle community developed the idea from the ever popular “Fantasy Leagues” of muggle sports such as basketball (much like quidditch but played on a wooden floor, with one goal on each end and played with only one ball) and football. American Muggles (no-maj in their terms) have fantasy leagues of their popular sports of baseball and football (not to be confused with British football which Americans call soccer.)

Fantasy Leagues seem pretty confusing at first, but after building your own team it’s simple enough. For those of you who are unfamiliar, here is how it works.

Fantasy Quidditch is a game in which participants assemble an imaginary team of real life players (called a draft) and score points based on those players’ actual statistical performance or their perceived contribution on the field of play.

After each performance the players are then awarded points. Points are then gained or deducted depending on a players’ performances. Point systems vary between games but typically, points are awarded for some or all of the following achievements:

  • Playing in a match (or part of a match e.g. at least 60 minutes)
  • Scoring a goal
  • Making an assist (the pass or touch leading to the goal)
  • Saving a penalty
  • Goalkeeper saves 3 shots or more
  • Win of the team

As well as the aforementioned above, points can be deducted for some or all of the following:

  • Conceding a goal (goalkeepers and defenders only)
  • Receiving a yellow or red card
  • Missing a penalty
  • Scoring an own goal
  • Getting substituted
  • Loss of the team

Most muggle fantasy leagues start at the beginning of each sporting season with signups and then a draft. Points then begin accruing after the first game or match of the season.

Boot stated “I joined a football fantasy league with a friend from primary school after much prodding, and I really enjoyed it. I haven’t followed many muggle sports, but still had a good time. Because of this I decided to make the pitch to my leaders at the Department of Magical Games and Sports and they went for it! We launched the league last year, but this year it has gained popularity and we believe that next year it will even bigger, especially as we plan on launching an international fantasy league.”

Full League regulations and rules can be obtained via owl post from The Department of Magical Games and Sports. A registration fee is required before your draft picks can be submitted and the participant at the end of the season will receive a monetary prize, which will vary based on the number of participants.

A live Draft event will be hosted at the Leaky Cauldron before the start of the next season. If you’re interested in joining a Fantasy Quidditch league we recommend attending the event.

Follow our updates in the Prophet and subscribe to our owl post updates for more information.

Vexing Vapors: Vampires Top Choice

Smoking, it seems, is a thing of the past. As wizarding society has begun to integrate some fringe forms of muggle culture, vaping has been on the rise. Much as we adapted the wireless from muggle radio services, vape stalls have been appearing in Diagon Alley, and even Hogsmeade. There are a variety of companies, each with their own claim to fame, though Vexing Vapors seems to be dominating the market.

But what exactly is vaping? A vape pen is similar in shape and size to a normal muggle pen- a self-inking, handheld, writing utensil. The pens heat oils, waxes and/or dried herbs, allowing the user to inhale pure vapor, without the harmful toxins traditionally found in tobacco smoke. A simple heating charm replaces the function of the Muggles’ battery, allowing wizards and witches to enjoy the benefits of smoking with fewer side effects. Though the long-term risks of vaping are unknown, many witches and wizards have turned to them as a slightly-healthier form of smoking.

“The vape juice, or little liquids that go in [our pens], come in almost any flavor you can imagine. We’ve even begun adding wizard-exclusive flavors to our selection,” says Stanley Shunpike, co-owner of Vexing Vapors. “I started seeing more and more people with ‘em on the Knight Bus, and saw an opportunity. I’m still there part time, and Lee handles the rest when I’m away. Best business partner I could ask for!”

Mr. Shunpike went on to say, “One plan in the works is ‘Bertie Botts Beans’. The set will contain ten unmarked, miniature vials of vape juice, bringing all the fun of the popular candy to your vape pen. Another flavor, ‘Acid Pop’, packs a bit of a punch – a little goes a long way!”

We were informed by Lee Jordan that mandrake is an undesirable flavor, yet continues to be a top-seller. He said, “Even though it’s a rather nasty taste, we decided to experiment with [mandrake]. We found it can replace a vital step in the process to becoming an animagus. Instead of keeping the leaf in your mouth, the mandrake juice will suffice to complete the change. Its sale is heavily regulated, though, so customers must be registered with the Ministry before purchasing from us. Then, they receive exactly the amount needed to complete the process, nothing more,” His cart is set up directly outside of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, owned and operated by Lee’s life-long friends, George and Angelina Weasley.

“George and Angelina are our biggest supporters. They help test our juices, and they let us use this part of their lot free of charge. George says he’s just paying me back for all of his and Fred’s bungled experiments when we were kids. I count myself quite lucky to consider them as some of my closest friends. They are always pushing Stan and me to try something new and chase success.”

“Right now, we’re looking into medicinal uses for our products. For instance, there is reason to believe that a vape juice could be brewed like a potion and yield similar effects. We’ve begun experimenting with the recipe for Pepper-Up Potion, and hope to have it ready soon.”

“What you really have to watch for,” Stan chimes in, “are the Vampire variants. Any juice with blood in the name does contain donated human blood. While it doesn’t hold the nutritional value of a full feeding, our customers say that vaping our Vampire Specialty Blends helps decrease how often they feel the need to feed!”

“We try to keep that stock separate from the rest, but Vampire Specialty Blends are some of our most popular products. Some of the vampires I’ve met have even said that it makes them feel a bit safer around humans, and vaping is innocuous enough to be a continual aid and appetite suppressant without drawing suspicion.”

A one-time investment with a lifetime guarantee, quality vape pens like, those sold by Vexing Vapors, are not cheap. “We use only the highest quality materials in our pens to help ensure that they last your entire lifetime. Our cheapest versions start at twenty-five galleons, and our top quality pen that produces smooth and plentiful vapors runs for nearly fifty galleons. We have special testers here at the cart with disposable mouthpieces so that our customers can try our juices and our pens to know exactly what they are buying.”

When asked about their long-term goals, Lee told us that they, “hope to continue finding ways that this simple, muggle device can enhance the quality of wizarding life.”

Beguiling Brewery Extends Sleekeazy’s

Breaking news has reached us from from Beguiling Brewery’s PR rep, Bethany Belvedere. “The rumors that we are extending the Sleekeazy’s line of hair products is absolutely true. Not only have we formulated a shampoo and conditioner to make bushy hair more controllable with less effort on a daily basis, the new products do not have any untoward side effects for those with red hair like the original product did. It’s a slight change to the recipe, but we feel it is only best to extend Fleamont Potter’s legacy.”

“In addition to the reformulation and extension of Sleekeazy’s, we are also developing a line of products called Curleazy’s. Curleazy’s will be offered as a hair tonic, a daily shampoo, and a conditioner. It is a curse of womanhood to want what we don’t have. Now, every witch can have the best of both worlds. The shampoo and conditioner for Sleekeazy’s will be available in most wizarding retailers by next month, and we hope to launch Curleazy’s by the beginning of next year.”

When asked if there would be more lines added to the brand, Ms. Belvadere stated, “We have ideas for other lines, but we want to see how Curleazy’s does first. Our number one goal is customer satisfaction, and we want to make sure that we are meeting the standards our clientele have come to expect before we take on a new venture.”

“However, we are accepting applications for product testers as we finish tweaking the formulation of Curleazy’s. Interested parties must be aged sixteen or older with naturally straight hair. Participants will receive testers and instructions via owl post, along with a small compensation for their participation. Applications can be found in your local apothecary, and should be delivered to the brewery via owl no later than April fifth.”

Headmistress Issues Warnings Over Continuing Pranks

The prank war continues to wage at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, even after students were injured. “It had gotten quiet around the castle in the last few weeks,” quotes a 6th-year Ravenclaw student. “I guess the pranksters decided it was time to strike again.”

It had indeed been quiet in the castle, a very welcomed turn of events by the staff. Hogwarts has always had a handful of students each year create their fair share of rouacus, but this year has proven to be much different. According to sources inside the school, the previously reported stories weren’t even the tip of the iceberg. Readers will remember, after the Christmas holiday ended and students returned to school, we released the story of the slinkies that were set about the castle and made to descend the many staircases. This was a spectacle in itself, as the muggle toy delightfully mesmerizes children with its paradoxical simplicity and intricacy. Since many young witches and wizards had never heard of them before, let’s just say they got everyone’s attention.

Our inside sources have recently let slip that several other large pranks were orchestrated before the holiday break throughout the castle. Coats of armor were charmed, causing them to move about the castle on their own. The owlery was flooded with mice one Saturday afternoon, making it nearly impossible to visit the tower, let alone getting a letter sent. Someone even jinxed the toilets in the boys bathroom on the 3rd floor to give what is called “a swirly” to students at random when they enter. For those readers who are unfamiliar with the term, a swirly is a rather nasty prank where someone sticks another person’s head in the toilet while it flushes. The jinx that was used actually causes the water to rise from the toilet bowl and attach itself to the head of the person who just flushed.

Following their recent break in devious behaviors, the pranksters have upped their game by charming the paintings in the castle. It has not been confirmed if all of the art has been affected, but we have it on good authority that at least 50% of the paintings in the castle have been bewitched to speak foreign languages.

This has caused chaos to many students attempting to gain access to corridors and dormitories that require passwords and the answering of riddles. “The Hogwarts staff has been working well into the night trying to counter-jinx each portrait,” sighed an exasperated Headmistress earlier today who was later witnessed in The Great Hall giving a special announcement at dinner time. She made a somewhat ominous appeal to her students. “I want to take a moment to appeal to those students who are involved in this insanity: End this right now, and I will overlook the previous indiscretions once your identities have been uncovered. But, take heed. If you continue with this… frivolity, the punishment you receive shall be quite severe.”

But, will this be the end of the chaos in the castle? Only time will tell.

Potion Discovery Leads to Medical Breakthrough

Accomplished Hogwarts Herbology Professor Neville Longbottom has stunned Potioneers, Healers, and peers everywhere with his discovery of an amazing new restorative potion. Neville brewed the potion especially to aid the wellbeing of his parents, the esteemed ex-Aurors Frank and Alice Longbottom. The former Aurors were forced out of employment when the Death Eater, Bellatrix Lestrange (b1951 – d1998), tortured them both through the use of an Unforgivable Curse. Extended victims of the torture curse, their once excellent minds were reduced to something described by healers as ‘perpetually infantile’. Their compulsory medical retirement was effective immediately, as they became mandatory inpatients of St. Mungo’s Janus Thickey Ward.

Following extensive consultation with the team of Head Healers at St Mungo’s, Professor Longbottom served his parents a substance of his own creation containing Mandrake root and Jewelweed, amongst other ingredients. “My studies began with the Mandrake root,” Professor Longbottom explained. “I had witnessed its immensely powerful recovering properties during my years at Hogwarts as a student and wanted to explore how much further this could be exploited. My struggle was that this particularly tricky plant loses its effectiveness when combined with too many other ingredients. Stewing the different plants together with Jewelweed, for its soothing qualities, seems to be a viable solution!” Rather than just providing some form of temporary relief, as he and the Healers had been hoping, the potion restored Frank and Alice Longbottom to a lasting state of sound mind.

Having excelled at Herbology in his schooling years, this recent venture into potions was wholly unexpected for Professor Longbottom, especially considering the D (Dreadful) result of his OWL, causing him to drop the subject for NEWT studies which required nothing less than E (Exceeds Expectations) to advance.

“I had no idea it would be so effective!” Stammered a visibly stunned Professor Longbottom as his family showered him with hugs and affection. “I just noticed the key effects of several different healing plants that could be brought to work together if mixed with aged Jewelweed that had been stewed precisely. I had only envisioned it being a temporary relief or boost, like a pepper-up potion for the mind!” He explained further, as he was wrapped in his mother’s arms with his father’s hand clasped firmly on one shoulder. “Yet, after my parents had taken a sip, the change I witnessed in both of them was beyond all belief!”

The method for brewing this wonderous potion, at the time of printing, has not been released. A hospital insider, however, has informed this reporter that the methodology in full has been gifted to St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, with the further instruction that all profits from the potion’s use are to be contributed toward the healing of other Hospital patients.

Professor Longbottom’s potion, named Combinreficiat, for both it’s creation and effects; has been dedicated to his parents, Frank and Alice. “Their Auror days have always been an example for me to strive towards,” Longbottom explained. “Their hospitalization provided me with a cause upon which to focus my research. Without them, I couldn’t have hoped to do half of what I’ve accomplished.”

“A miraculous stroke of inspiration!” Exclaimed esteemed Medicinal Potioneer May Q. Better. “I have been experimenting with similar ingredients for decades without success! Professor Longbottom’s ingenious insight to stew these ingredients amongst others, together in Jewelweed was simply sublime! I have no hesitation in saying that Combinreficiat will prove to be the potion of the Century!”

Professor Longbottom’s first instinct, on seeing the success of his potion, was to introduce his parents to his wife, Hannah Longbottom (née: Abbott), only to find out that they had retained a great deal of what they had been told during their many years as invalids. Healers present said they were overjoyed to finally be able to properly welcome Hannah into their family as they had longed to do for so many years. Furthermore, it is reported they were bursting with happiness that they could finally express their elation at Neville’s employment as a Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Combinreficiat has since been successfully administered to all patients within the Janus Thickey Ward, and Healers and common-folk alike are eagerly waiting to see just how widespread this potion’s remedy will prove to be across different magical injuries.

Frank and Alice Longbottom have resumed advisor roles within the Auror Office of the Ministry of Magic, determined to be of use, even if past their physical prime as Aurors. In related news, however, former Hogwarts Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, having recovered fully from his mental trauma as a result of the Combinreficiat, has baffled professionals in getting directly back to his work as a heroic vigilante. Inside sources report he is already preparing for the release of a new novel, Expedition with Erumpents, for publication by mid-2019.

Only time will tell how broad the positive results of Combinreficiat will prove to be. Professor Longbottom has certainly written his place in the annals of Hogwarts’ greats.

Giant Spiders… A Giant Problem

Magical Creatures, it seems that the Ministry has kept close tabs on all breeds of beasts, but the stories that we have been hearing lately spin a different web of information.

We here at The Prophet heard from a number of reliable sources that some of the beasts in the forest have started to migrate. The question is; are they being smuggled out of the forest, are they leaving on their own, or are they being brought into the country another way? The beasts in question, acromantulas, generally prefer a habitat of dense vegetation. The Dark Forest provides this perfectly, so the rapidly increasing number of reports that they are dwelling elsewhere is concerning to say the least.

Acromantulas are arachnids, originating from Borneo, that grow to exceedingly large sizes. They have a high intelligence level, can communicate through speech like humans, and are carnivorous. The first acromantulas were brought to our region of the world by notable magizoologists. Due to their incredibly rare venom and its useful properties for potion making, Magical Law Enforcement has seen a rise in the number of smugglers who attempt to bring acromantulas into the country without proper documentation.

Creature trafficking has become an epidemic in the last few decades. While some beasts are harder to conceal, such as dragons and zouwu, small beasts, such as nifflers and puffskeins, are easily concealed and traded illegally, both in our country and outside of it.

The Ministry has been changing its regulations and has been cracking down on creature breeding across the country to try to temper some of the activity within our borders. Anyone who is found with a magical creature that does not have the proper paperwork will be fined. The fine imposed is dependent upon the classification level of the beast, ranging from “X” – “XXXXX.” According to our sources inside the Department, breeders have been overwhelmed with some of the new decisions made by the Ministry, but it has been noted that most are making the necessary adjustments to continue to operate within the confines of the laws.

The Ministry has been on the receiving end of countless owls, as of late, with reports of acromantula sightings all over Scotland and North Britain. Sources inside the department were able to secure us a few of the reports that have been filed, some seem harmless, “…a spider, it was as big as my hand…” but others are ominous indeed. “….I saw it retreating into the woods near our greenhouse… it had our dog in its pinchers. He wasn’t moving….”  

“While talking spiders aren’t completely unheard of in the magical community, it is unheard of to have 50 reports of giant spider sightings in the span of a week, and even more unnerving to hear that they have taken out a family pet,” Beast Division spokeswitch, Mathilda Grimblehawk, stated last Monday when confronted about the rumors. “We are working to sort through these reports and determine exactly what is going on.

Further investigations have uncovered the beasts that have been spotted outside of Hogwarts grounds are incredibly hostile. The Ministry’s attempts to control and relocate these creatures has not gone to plan. One such attempt enraged a small clutter of the arachnids, leading them to flee into a nearby muggle village.

The local muggles, who are not accustomed to such large beasts, were understandably terrified. Panic ensued, leading to several wrecked automobiles, and minor injuries. Obliviators were dispatched and concealment charms were put on the woods near the village in an attempt to keep the muggles at bay until the Beasts Division was able to get the situation under control; a task that took 3 days to complete and required the aid of long-time Care of Magical Creatures Professor from Hogwarts, Rubeus Hagrid.

Professor Hagrid, who was expelled from Hogwarts in his third year, reclaimed favour with the magical community after the second wizarding war, and has maintained his post as professor for the last several decades. He also serves as the schools groundskeeper, where he tends to all of the creatures in The Dark Forest, including the acromantulas. He was instrumental in their placement in the forest more than half a century ago and is on speaking terms with Mosag, the clutter leader.

According to information provided by Professor Hagrid, Mosag has stated the creatures that were relocated to the forest did not originate there. Ministry officials have since continued their investigation into the origins of the creatures found in the countryside. We here at The Daily Prophet will continue following their investigation and keep you, our dedicated readers, informed on any new developments. If you have any leads, we encourage you to report them to the Department via owl.

Ministry of Magic Opens Daycare Center

Dementors have been spotted at an alarming rate in the last several weeks. Officials from the Department of Magical Creatures are just as baffled by their surprising appearances as of late. On Friday, as many as three dementors were spotted near The Leaky Cauldron in London, and two were seen in Knockturn Alley over the weekend. Residents as far as Kent have also reported dementor sightings.

As most of our readers know, dementors were removed from their employ at Azkaban Prison after the second wizarding war after their allegiances changed and they began doing the bidding of Dark Witches and Wizards.

Officials stated that they are looking into the issue after the first sighting was reported and they characterized it as a “one time occurrence.” However the rising number of sightings shows that it is anything but. Officials from St. Mungos remind everyone to be vigilant and to leave the area immediately if they notice their surroundings becoming cold, and their emotions going dark. Healer Atticus Bratton stated earlier today, “They don’t care who you are, if you cross their path and they feel the need, they will preform their kiss on you. At that point, there is nothing that can be done for you.”

It is recommended not to travel alone at this time. If you find yourself in the vicinity of a dementor you are advised to use the patronus charm to stop a dementor attack and allow yourself the opportunity to flee. If you are affected by the torments of a dementor attack, chocolate is an excellent way to restore your body to its normal state.

More on this as it develops.

 

Kids of Ministry of Magic Daycare