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Tag: Slytherin

Slytherin House Members Go Vegetarian

Hogwarts has seen an uptake in mischief this school term, and it seems like the whole school is in on the action. None of the students have been caught in the act, until now. Slytherin house members were caught in the kitchens after an attempt to charm all of the food for the days dinner into desserts, candies and other various sweets failed in the most opposite way.

Slytherin House members gained access to the kitchen by the portrait that serves as the doorway. (We here at the prophet will not tell you which one young readers- to learn that secret, you’ve got to earn it. It is a Hogwarts right of passage afterall) When the young serpents entered the kitchens shortly before dinner, several of them made a diversion and distracted kitchen staff. The other Slytherin house members then attempted to change the food prepared for that nights meals into “treats of all descriptions.” One of the students was quoted in his disciplinary report as being immensely more disappointed that the charms failed than he was at the fact that they were caught, and apprehended by the schools caretaker, Mr. Filch.

Mr. Filch has been the long standing caretaker at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and is known for his favor towards harsh discipline, he was sorely disappointed when Headmistress McGonagall opted for a rather unorthodox punishment than the hours of detention by hard labor that he lobbied for.

The charm that they intended to transform their standard dinner options into more of a smorgasbord of treats did just the opposite instead, changing all of their dinner options into vegetables. Some cooked, some raw.

The Headmistress decided that the perfect punishment would be to leave the food as they were for dinner that evening, and has even gone so far as to declare that once a week, for the remainder of the term they will a “vegetarian style dinner”.

Slytherin House members who were not involved in the prank were appalled by this decision and several of them have gone so far as to start a petition to revoke this new menu plan. And they are not the only ones upset by this newly instated policy. A 5th year Ravenclaw member complained that she cannot keep up with her study schedule on just “bunny food”. “I signed that petition the first time I saw it” she told us in a short interview, “I have a very thorough study schedule, and I need energy to get through it, I simply can’t get the energy I need from a vegetarian diet.”

Hufflepuff House members in general seemed not to be as bothered by the new change, but one was very upset about the prank itself. “They couldn’t have chosen a worse night to pull such a ridiculous stunt. It was fried chicken night… what they did was inexcusable.” When this student was asked what made that night different from any other she was quoted as saying, “I had my heart set on fried chicken all day….and then I got to dinner and all we had were Brussel sprouts and salads. Not cool man, not cool.”

Not all students were upset with the new change however. Many were thrilled with the idea of a vegetarian night. “We’ve been asking for more vegetarian/vegan friendly options for years” 7th year Gryffindor said, “We have submitted multiple proposals and even offered to set up volunteers to work in the schools gardens to help with the increase of produce usage in the kitchens, but all of our efforts were denied. I’m not sure what made the Headmistress decide to put this plan into action now of all times, but we will definitely rally together and keep that petition from stopping them from happening.”

Slytherin House members suffered more than just the veggies that night, each student caught lost their house 20 points each, putting them dead last in the race for the House Cup. They may still have a chance to earn those points back, and bring Slytherin House back to glory, but they won’t have an easy time of it.

We here at The Prophet would like your take on this unique situation. Are you for or against your students having vegetarian nights at Hogwarts? Let us know where you stand!

Commerce in Hogwarts Down Governors Bewildered

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizard reports a surprising decrease in the number of sales from their on-campus store.

Young witches and wizards alike have been purchasing they house apparel from the school store for generations. But over the course of this school term, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall reports an alarming decline in sales. The school’s Board of Governors were very concerned about this hit button issue from the agenda of last week’s meeting.

Funding from the school store goes towards several funds needed to keep the school functioning normally, and without that funding, many students may see some of their favorite activities suspended, or even disbanded indefinitely.

The Governors have opened their own investigation into this issue and have made it a priority to find a resolution as quickly as possible.

The School Governors have as of this morning received a report on an independent investigation performed by the staff here at the Prophet which sites the main cause of the declining sales.

Many of the students and family members are buying their apparel from different vendors, many of which have seemingly popped up overnight. The merchandise being sold by the vendors are almost identical to the official Hogwarts merchandise sold on Hogwarts grounds and far more inexpensive.

We have purchased our fair share of items from multiple vendors and have found minor inconsistencies with the products when compared to the products being sold at Hogwarts. The discrepancies are almost invisible to the naked eye, most of which being a vague difference in the shape of the fonts, the size lettering on the emblems of the houses. For example; the official Slytherin house crest has a silver serpent, where an item purchased in Hogsmeade bears a gray serpent. And the official Ravenclaw crest is an eagle, but the pennant purchase in Diagon alley bears a hawk.

Further investigation proves that not all of the vendors selling these items have the proper licenses to do so.

We would like to issue caution to anyone making purchases of Hogwarts apparel that it is not deemed official merchandise, and you could face fines for their purchase.