Skip to main content

Tag: Ministry of Magic

Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare – The Ministers New Ideas

Ms Granger, Minister for Magic, has put forward a new proposal for The Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare bill (otherwise known as the S.P.E.W. bill). This bill would attemot do exactly what it says on the door; to promote house elf freedoms.

The controversial ideals behind this bill originated during the Minister’s years at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. “It was a mad idea even back then…” explained Seamus Finnigan (a school peer) “…at one point she even started knitting hats and leaving them around the school, trying to trick them into freeing themselves.”

Minister Granger has always been known for her inclusiveness with magical creatures, but this bill definitely takes the bait. Although many believe it to be a good move on behalf of the Ministry, there are still those that believe it to be folly and a futile move by an idealistic leadership.

Overall, while this appears to be a rather odd direction for the Ministry to take, only time will tell whether or not this is the right direction for Wizarding Society.

Muggle at the Ministry: Muggle-Born Mate Goes Rogue

Official —- was given a mystery: how did a muggle get connected to the floo network and what caused this bloke’s hysteric breakdown at the ministry of magic? Today, we have answers.

Three days ago we reported on an incident where a muggle arrived by floo powder at the Ministry of Magic Headquarters. At the sight of a few goblins, the muggle broke down in hysteric screaming telling himself “it’s not there, it’s not there.” After the events unfolded, officials in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes attempted to discover how the muggle arrived at the Ministry in the first place. Using lagilimancy, they were able to discover that the muggle had been visiting a mate’s house in Kent. His mate, a Mr. Henry Jiggens, is the father of muggle-born Lucy Jiggens who will be beginning her second year at Hogwarts this fall. They requested the muggles name remain anonymous.

When officials visited Mr. Jiggens, they discovered the entire family distraught. That evening they had a few of their mates over for a barbeque. While everyone was outside, the muggle—the one who arrived at the ministry last week—went inside to go to the loo. After a while, Mr. Jiggens noticed his mates’ absence.

He discovered the note where their family had written instruction on how to use the flue network (including names of important destinations such as the Ministry of Magic Headquarters and Diagon Alley) on the floor of their sitting room. Then to his dismay, their jar of flue powder open beside the fireplace. It seemed the bloke had gone rogue. And they didn’t know where!

They were utterly gobsmacked and completely bewildered at what to do. In their panic, young Lucy Jiggens resorted to her best resource: Professor Neville Longbottom. She quickly wrote a letter describing the circumstances to Hogwarts’ headmaster hoping he would tell her what to do (this was confirmed by the headmaster himself.)

Officials were still befuddled by the muggles hysteric reaction to the goblins. In other circumstances, muggles have had much milder reactions to discovering The world of magic. Mr. Jiggens explained that his mate suffered from a mild form of what muggles refer to as late-onset schizophrenia. The muggle had suffered from hallucinations that muggle versions of our healers treated. Apparently, the muggle treatment had been effective (sometimes they surprise us), because the muggle hadn’t seen a hallucination for quite some time. So, when he saw the goblin, he was trying to convince himself that they were not real. He thought he was hallucinating and entire place (Ministry HQ) and the blokes and goblin he was envisioning. He thought he was going crazy again. Hence the hysteric screaming.

After discussing the issue with Mr. Jiggens, officials explained that healers may be able to heal the muggle of his muggle-named schizophrenia. So, they brought the muggle to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries where he is currently being treated.

Once the healers are finished, obliviators will erase the muggle’s memory of his experience of The world of magic and he will go on in his magicless ignorance. However, we must say, while this experience was a bit of a scare for the muggle, the Jiggens, and those at the ministry during the incident, we think this accident will leave the muggle better off than before. It’s not every day a rouge muggle gets magic aid.

Schieler, do you have suggestions for a stronger ending? This is part two of a series of articles.

– Eloise Phoenix

Muggle at the Ministry…Delightful Chaos?

Delightful chaos: that’s how Minister Hermione Granger describes the responsibilities of the Ministry’s department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.

From a kelpie, who was mistakenly labeled the Loch Ness monster of Ireland in 1933, to the “sleeping pattern adjustment” of thousands of owls as news spread of Voldemort’s defeat, and even through multiple sightings of Yeti’s in Tibet, the last century alone has been a wild ride for the world’s magical concealment officials.

The Daily Prophet holds the stance that chaotic is an apt description of the department–not delightful!

Since the creation of the International Statute of Secrecy in the late 1600s, there have been millions of incidents where muggles found themselves confounded by their interactions with magic.
In fact, here at the Ministry, much of our work is dedicated to the concealment and protection of muggles from magic. 

Each section is vital in ensuring a positive relation to muggles and helps create a balance between our two drastically different, but often converging, worlds. However, in the centuries the Ministry has resided beneath Whitehall in London, no muggle has ever haphazardly entered the confines of its headquarters.

That is, until yesterday….

It was just as unfortunate as it was shocking for the breach to occur yesterday evening, as last night was only the third night Jackel Livingspree was on duty as the new Security Guard in the aviary. For such a young bloke, at such an early point in his position, he didn’t know how to handle what ensued.

In an interview with young Livingspree late yesterday evening, who was more than happy to discuss with The Prophet the transgressions, seemed pensive and suspiciously defensive in his recollection of what occurred.

“He [the muggle] didn’t look so different…not really. You see wizards in muggle wear all the time—coming and going where muggles are present. Especially if they’re coming from the entrances off muggle streets.”

Livingspree paused as if trying to remember. After wiping his sweaty hands on his maroon cloak he continued,

“I only noticed him cause he stumbled out of the chimney on his hands and knees. But, he just got up and brushed himself off. Then he rushed to get out of the way of the witch who arrived after him, nearly knocking him over again. I didn’t question it really, as he came by floo powder afterall. I mean I really never heard of a muggle using the floo network after all! 

But I did see him looking ‘round—checking everything out, mostly curious and shocked at the same time. But, o’er the last couple of days I’ve seen wizards lookin’ around just like that cause they were new to HQ. 

But, then he started hitting himself. Kind of softly at first and after a’ bit more time, very avidly – then a few Goblins entered and thats when it got real crazy. He started whispering it like he was panicking. Then he started screaming it louder and louder. And all he ever kept saying was, ‘It’s not real. It’s not real! Wake up!”

According to Livingspree, by this time everyone in the aviary’s attention was on the middle-aged muggle. His screaming was echoing off the stone, and onlookers seemed either confused, worried, or irritated, and above all else, curious regarding his obsession with inflicting himself with slap after slap and hit after hit. 

A middle-aged witch by the name of Mrs. Hilary Pot described the muggle’s reaction to the Goblins with three words – “He. Was. Terrified.”

Another young wizard who asked to go unnamed revealed his own thoughts on the matter,

“I’ve never seen anyone but my young brother scream like that, and it was because he suffered from night terrors. It was like the goblins were his living, breathing nightmare. It gives me chills thinking about that muggle’s terror.”

Needless to say, this muggle did not take too kindly to the discovery of the magical world and it’s accompanying creatures.

Thankfully, some officials from the Muggle Liaison office were preparing to leave and had just arrived when the scene had unfolded.

 A few witches and wizards helped them move the muggle to where we can only suspect is the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.

At this time, besides Minister Granger’s comment about delightful chaos, she has refrained from discussing any further information. However, she did ensure TheDaily Prophet that further details would be released promptly, once the investigation has more concrete findings.

For now, this incident has left The world of magic with one vital question:

Why was a muggle’s chimney connected to the floo network and was it by accident or intentional?

This has been a late breaking story with journalist Eloise Phoenix, reminding you to preform your quarterly chimney charms to sort out any substandard connections in the floo network.

Ministry of Magic Opens Daycare Center

Dementors have been spotted at an alarming rate in the last several weeks. Officials from the Department of Magical Creatures are just as baffled by their surprising appearances as of late. On Friday, as many as three dementors were spotted near The Leaky Cauldron in London, and two were seen in Knockturn Alley over the weekend. Residents as far as Kent have also reported dementor sightings.

As most of our readers know, dementors were removed from their employ at Azkaban Prison after the second wizarding war after their allegiances changed and they began doing the bidding of Dark Witches and Wizards.

Officials stated that they are looking into the issue after the first sighting was reported and they characterized it as a “one time occurrence.” However the rising number of sightings shows that it is anything but. Officials from St. Mungos remind everyone to be vigilant and to leave the area immediately if they notice their surroundings becoming cold, and their emotions going dark. Healer Atticus Bratton stated earlier today, “They don’t care who you are, if you cross their path and they feel the need, they will preform their kiss on you. At that point, there is nothing that can be done for you.”

It is recommended not to travel alone at this time. If you find yourself in the vicinity of a dementor you are advised to use the patronus charm to stop a dementor attack and allow yourself the opportunity to flee. If you are affected by the torments of a dementor attack, chocolate is an excellent way to restore your body to its normal state.

More on this as it develops.


Kids of Ministry of Magic Daycare

Time Turner Bandit Caught

Time Turners are indeed incredibly powerful artifacts and the Time Turner in question was made by an unauthorized Wizard who is currently being held on criminal charges. The original intent of its creation is not known at this time, as information and access to the maker has been restricted to anyone but Ministry Officials. The Auror Office has declined to comment further on the maker or his upcoming trial.

But the magical community can rest easily knowing that the bandit has been caught. Details are sparse at this time, but there are speculations that the thief had been caught after being splinched while attempting to use the time turner. It however was not evident as to what period of time they were attempting to visit.

“In early November the Ministry of Magic reported that an illegally made Time Turner had been stolen from the Department of Mysteries. Today we are pleased to announce that the perpetrator has been caught and is being detained in Azkaban Prison.” Reads a release from the Auror Office earlier today. “The thief was apprehended outside of the Barnton early this morning”

Anyone with any further details on this criminal act are asked to contact the Auror Office directly by owl.

More on this story as it develops.

Department of Mysteries Not Doing It’s Job – Time Turner Goes Missing

A Time Turner has been stolen from the Department of Mysteries. A time turner is a powerful magical artifact that allows the user to travel back in time. The use of time turners has been closely watched by the Ministry since their development and the unauthorized use or creation is a criminal offense.

Sources had previously stated that all time turners had been rendered unusable during Harry Potter and his friends battle in the Department of Mysteries with the fallen He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. However an insider has confirmed that one had been created illegally, the owner arrested and the device confiscated.

All witches and wizards are aware of the consequences of meddling with time and as such should not use nor create time turners. If you are aware of any information regarding the stolen time turner please contact the Aurors office at your soonest convenient owl.

The Auror office has released an official statement in regards to the theft. “We are getting closer to finding the thief. We have several clues including a magical signature that will lead us right to them! The time turner in question is extremely dangerous and not fully functional, use of it will result in splinching in time and in extreme cases, death.”

Traveling in time has been said to lead to serious consequences, such as driving oneself mad, accidentally killing oneself and causing in-births. As such there have been strict laws regarding Time Turners since their production. The use of unauthorized Time Turner will currently sentence you to life in Azkaban.

Unforgiveable Charms?

Following a Ministry crackdown on the use of a newly discovered branch of spells being referred to as ‘Perception Charms’, the world of magic at large is left to question, ‘Will these charms be classed as unforgivable?

A charm is a spell that adds certain properties to an object or person. Commonplace examples are in use every day, from the simplest, ‘Wingardium Leviosa,’ to the highly complex Fidelius Charm. All can prove extremely useful in the course of everyday life, and until now have been warmly received by the magical governing bodies.

Until now…

Believed to be the initial brainchild of Palto Eskarbo, perception charms can be used on one’s self or one’s companion, and alter the subject’s perception of reality. The effects are recalled by users to be euphoric and energising, with some charms even causing their subjects to experience full sensual hallucinations

Lobbyists are protesting to the ministry that these charms should be free for recreational use, if restricted from workplaces and schools, however Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement Angus Merrythorpe, believes that such spells could have too negative an influence on society. “What if we have children brought up receiving these sorts of spells as reward, and then exit them to just change once they enter schools?! What of the effects of other charms performed under the influence of these spells?! Can you imagine how many more splinchings there will be?! The only practical solution is to outlaw these charms for good, effective immediately, never to be written down or published anywhere. The sooner the world can forget about these horrible spells, the happier they’ll be!”

No official decision has been made as of yet, but with a Ministry sitting to take place next week, charmers wait with bated breath to hear the decision made on the legality of their use of these charms.