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Tag: Hogwarts

Hogwarts Announces New Pet Policies

Our offices here at The Prophet were flooded with owls this morning when staff arrived to begin their day after an announcement was made by the Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The staff of Hogwarts and the Governors have apparently been working on expanding several school policies to be more inclusive, such as pet policies and dormitory assignments. The announcement sent to parents via owl post late yesterday afternoon stated there were several other policies updated and even some new policies that will be announced in the coming months after final adjustments have been made.

The owls we received from parents of Hogwarts students seem to have a common thought: that these policies will be more trouble than they are worth. Changing dormitory assignments is an easy adjustment as it is described by the Governors. Students will no longer stay in the same room their full seven years in the castle, but instead, there will be specific rooms for each grade level. Our source from the last Governors meeting stated the dorm rooms will offer different amenities than the standard dorm rooms’ four-poster beds and wardrobes.

Each dorm room will still have these basic items for each student, but as students progress through school, their personal storage space in the dormitories will be expanded. Bathrooms will also be larger and have more features for each ascending grade level. While we received a few complaints about the changes to the dorms, the main cord of discontent was in regards to the pet policy.

The official standard, when it came to pets in the castle, was that students would be allowed either a cat, an owl or a toad. Yet, many students ended up with more than one pet during their time at school, or with an animal that is not on the approved list, such as a ferret or a rat. Several of our staff members even stated that during their years at school, several students had dogs or exotic pets, such as snakes, lizards, and turtles. There were even reported cases of students having magical plants as pets in their dormitories.

These students were occasionally reprimanded, but during our investigations, it was discovered that cases of actual punishments were rarely ever filed within student disciplinary records. While the motivation behind the amendments to the pet policy have yet to be discovered, logic can be found in the frustration being displayed by many parents over the recent changes.

Per the official announcement, students will be allowed to have no more than 2 pets at the same time during their magical education. Students will have to send in a form registering their animals, and each animal will be required to have a tag, either on the animal itself or on the animal’s cage/tank. While dogs are still not on the official approved list of pets allowed in the castle, exotic pets have been given the all clear, as long as they are properly maintained. Free roaming animals, such as cats, will have to be spayed/neutered in order to stay in the castle. Students are discouraged from allowing their animals to venture out of the dormitory and common room areas.

It is suggested that identification cuffs are used for owls and other birds (a recent addition to the approved animals list) being kept as pets. Cats will need to have tags on their collars. All animals must be transported in cages, baskets, tanks or crates during arrival to and departure from school grounds, including breaks for Christmas and Easter holidays. Eeylops Owl Emporium of Diagon Alley and the Magical Menagerie have both already placed orders to aid students in the proper identification and care of their familiar companions and will have these items available for special pricing to all Hogwarts students before the start of the new term.  

Any student found to have a pet that has not been properly registered with the school, or an animal that is not on the approved list will face disciplinary action and possibly have their animal removed from the school. Have the Governors added to the workload of the schools administration and staff with these new policies? How do you feel that they will affect the school as a whole? We want to know! Send us your owls today!

Headmistress Issues Warnings Over Continuing Pranks

The prank war continues to wage at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, even after students were injured. “It had gotten quiet around the castle in the last few weeks,” quotes a 6th-year Ravenclaw student. “I guess the pranksters decided it was time to strike again.”

It had indeed been quiet in the castle, a very welcomed turn of events by the staff. Hogwarts has always had a handful of students each year create their fair share of rouacus, but this year has proven to be much different. According to sources inside the school, the previously reported stories weren’t even the tip of the iceberg. Readers will remember, after the Christmas holiday ended and students returned to school, we released the story of the slinkies that were set about the castle and made to descend the many staircases. This was a spectacle in itself, as the muggle toy delightfully mesmerizes children with its paradoxical simplicity and intricacy. Since many young witches and wizards had never heard of them before, let’s just say they got everyone’s attention.

Our inside sources have recently let slip that several other large pranks were orchestrated before the holiday break throughout the castle. Coats of armor were charmed, causing them to move about the castle on their own. The owlery was flooded with mice one Saturday afternoon, making it nearly impossible to visit the tower, let alone getting a letter sent. Someone even jinxed the toilets in the boys bathroom on the 3rd floor to give what is called “a swirly” to students at random when they enter. For those readers who are unfamiliar with the term, a swirly is a rather nasty prank where someone sticks another person’s head in the toilet while it flushes. The jinx that was used actually causes the water to rise from the toilet bowl and attach itself to the head of the person who just flushed.

Following their recent break in devious behaviors, the pranksters have upped their game by charming the paintings in the castle. It has not been confirmed if all of the art has been affected, but we have it on good authority that at least 50% of the paintings in the castle have been bewitched to speak foreign languages.

This has caused chaos to many students attempting to gain access to corridors and dormitories that require passwords and the answering of riddles. “The Hogwarts staff has been working well into the night trying to counter-jinx each portrait,” sighed an exasperated Headmistress earlier today who was later witnessed in The Great Hall giving a special announcement at dinner time. She made a somewhat ominous appeal to her students. “I want to take a moment to appeal to those students who are involved in this insanity: End this right now, and I will overlook the previous indiscretions once your identities have been uncovered. But, take heed. If you continue with this… frivolity, the punishment you receive shall be quite severe.”

But, will this be the end of the chaos in the castle? Only time will tell.

Slytherin’s Head of House Brings Forward-Thinking Ideals to Hogwarts

This week The Daily Prophet had the chance to catch up with Slytherin’s Head of House to discuss pressing matters inherited by Slytherin’s tenebrous history and how the magical communities socialization standards may no longer be advantageous to the student body at Hogwarts.

Reporter: Professor Loughran, can you please tell me what it means to you to be the Head of House for Slytherin?

Professor Loughran: I take an extreme amount of pride in being the head of Slytherin. I worked incredibly hard to become Head of House and aim to make changes within the house that will affect the long term relationships of the student body and the pessimistic disposition that has been attached to its name since the inception of Hogwarts and even long before.

Reporter: With that said, what are your goals for Slytherin house members as it pertains to disrupting the stigma that has been attributed to your house?

**Professor Loughran pauses and then lets out a crooked smile from one side of her mouth**

Professor Loughran: My goals are indicative of what it’s always meant to be a Slytherin – to be strong-willed, ambitious and a natural leader. Slytherins are usually only noted for their demeaning qualities rather than the exceptional display of character that can be developed in such a class of individuals. It’s my duty and responsibility to help our teachers at Hogwarts prepare Slytherins for this hostile belief system and encourage them to rise to every occasion with complete excellence.

Reporter: You’ve made some excellent points that should be taken into consideration by contemporary witches and wizards. Would you mind elaborating?

**Professor Loughran sighs**

Professor Loughran: Sure. The state of affairs and view of Slytherin students are unjust. Most of our students and past Wizards and Witches tend to act a certain way because that’s simply what people have come to expect. For instance, you’re a great writer and will make me look good, right?!. **Says Professor Loughran in an exigent tone** People demand that of you and thus you deliver it. In the same sense, the world of Magic presupposes that is what Slytherins will deliver. If you’re surrounded by the manifestation of these dark assumptions, and no one reaches out to help you, more times than not if the individual is not strong enough, they will succumb to their self-fulfilling destiny. One of the many reasons I agreed to meet with you is to shed light on this area, so please forgive me if I am coming off as contentious or bitter – it is a soft spot for me when it comes to my students.

Reporter: Thank you for the explanation, Professor. I will take that into account. Another excellent response! In relation to witches and wizards inherently going bad from the Slytherin House, do you think house segregation contributes to this at Hogwarts? Wizards and Witches have mentioned that the separation of houses is a very old system that doesn’t allow for the integration or diversity of all character types to learn from each other in a socially sustainable environment.

**Professor Loughran glares at me with a pensive look for seconds**

Professor Loughran: Yes, I think it does. Our students grow at an exceedingly high rate from the first year they are introduced to magic at Hogwarts, until the time of their graduation ceremony. When individuals are stuck in a system that is not catering to their individual needs–which may differ from their direct peers–they lack the opportunity to grow and come into whom they naturally are and desire to become.

Reporter: How so?

Professor Loughran: Are you familiar with Severus Snape?

Reporter: I am, why?

Professor Loughran: Severus Snape was a Slytherin who may have been sorted into the correct house, but didn’t necessarily display all the characteristics of a Slytherin House Member. It is possible that because house segregation was even more prevalent back then, this led to his affiliation and association with Lord Voldemort. Imagine if the houses of his time had been geared towards socialization between the different houses. It is possible to speculate that the positive qualities he possessed would have been tended to by the students of other houses, and in turn, may have prevented him from ultimately becoming a Death Eater. In the end, however, it must be recognized that his allegiance was not with whom he swore it to because it was never who he was, but whom the world saw him as. Simply put. Younger classes need inter-house socialization. The sorting system stifles that.

Reporter: Thank you for that very detailed explanation and example. I think it’s a very important topic that should be discussed more. Professor, I must ask – is Hogwarts experiencing the same acclimation issues as the muggle world, with transgender and non-binary identification in adolescents and underage witches and wizards?

Professor Loughran: It is. At Hogwarts, just like in the rest of the world, there are children who feel out of place and are trying to finding themselves. We accept everyone and are very accommodating. It’s known that the dorms are spelled to adapt to kids who are non-Binary or who were assigned one side of the dorm but feel they should be allowed on the other. We also allow changes to the uniform to make students feel more comfortable. While this is a new obstacle for Hogwarts, we feel we are doing everything we can to make it fully inclusive.

Reporter: Speaking of fully inclusive systems, what is the temperature between half-blood and full-blood witches and wizards at school?

Professor Loughran: Bloodlines have long been an issue in Slytherin’s history. Slytherins are infamous for slandering Half-bloods and Muggle-borns. Hogwarts’ staff continually strive to eradicate blood prejudice and educate students on the importance of blood diversity in strengthening magic. However, no matter how diligently we work on building this positive attitude, this derogatory mindset against Half-bloods and Muggle-borns is rooted in a deep history–far deeper than just the Slytherin house–that is continually passed down from generation to generation. It is difficult to counteract the teachings of parents who are stuck in out-dated mindsets. Therefore, I do not doubt that these prejudices persist. However, bullying is not tolerated on Hogwarts’ premises.

Reporter: Doesn’t it always start with the parents and social upbringing, Professor?

Professor Loughran: Indeed Selevas, Indeed.

Reporter: Professor, I would like to personally thank you for your time. I know how busy you must be.  The Daily Prophet and I extend our gratitude for this opportunity.

In conclusion, sitting down with Professor Loughran was an extreme pleasure and brought to light ongoing concerns that have affected her house for centuries. Her forward-thinking ideas and approach may, however, be the much-needed change that helps amend the perception of Slytherin.

One thing remains for certain, however – it is always better to be hated for what you are than loved for who you are not.

Hogwarts Prank War Claims It’s First Victims

More pranks at Hogwarts sends 4 students to the hospital wing.

As we’ve reported Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry has seen a vast uptake in mischief this year, and it hasn’t seemed to slow down even after a prank orchestrated by Slytherin House Members backfired into Vegetarian Nights in the castle.

Over the weekend, someone let hundreds of crickets loose in the castle. It seems as though the insects were release on multiple floors, or they migrated quickly and it wasn’t long before to could here the chirping of the pesky little jumpers anywhere you went. Madam Pince was beside herself with worry when she found the crickets had started to nest in a back corner of the library.

Herbology professor, Neville Longbottom has been seen setting traps and taking them to the Forest when they capture the pests, but Hogwarts Caretaker Argus Filch opted for a different solution.

Without approval from the Administrative staff, Mr. Filch oversaw the release of no less than 20 bats in the school. He stated he was trying to think ahead and determined that they would be the most time efficient and effective source of pest removal. What he didn’t consider was how the bats would effect the inhabitants of the school.

As many as four students were treated in the hospital wing for bat-related injuries, one of which involved a first-year student who was bitten on the ear. Another student was startled by a fluttering bat and toppled down a staircase, breaking several bones and damaging a 300 year old bust of Janissa Verdain famed discoverer of gravity resistant trees.

Mr. Filch has been placed on administrative leave, and according to an inside source at the school, the Governors are reviewing the option of “forced retirement.”

Quidditch Players Pitch In

Ginny Weasley, long time quidditch player for the HolyHead Harpies has announced that the quidditch club will be donating the brooms that they have been flying on this season to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the schools brooms are notoriously noted as “the worst brooms ever made” to quote one student who was asked to rate them during one of the students recent excursions into Hogsmeade Village. 

The school depends on its revenues from quidditch ticket sales, and merchandise bought during inter school championship games to replace the brooms that the school uses for all of their flying classes. But as commerce has seen a decline across the board in all areas, the school has had less and less funding available to purchase new brooms, or even pre-owned brooms.

While many students have their own brooms for their advance flying classes, and quidditch practices and games, there are still many students whose families rely on the brooms at the school. Several parents have submitted complaints for review to the school’s board of governors. Ginny Weasley sits on that board of directors with her husband, Harry Potter. Draco Malfoy is also on the board of governors and has pledged to match the value of the brooms that are donated to the school with a donation of his own.

While news of this story has already been in the rumor mill, many of the other clubs up and down the country have been looking for ways they can help the school’s flying and quidditch departments.The Wimborn Wasps have donated several sets of practice balls to the school, and The Chudley Cannons have stated that they will start to host a “Hogwarts Night” twice a season donating 15% of all ticket sales to the school.

If anyone else is interested in donating brooms, or funds to the school are encouraged to do so. Donations can be dropped off at any Quality Quidditch Supply locations, or sent directly to the school via owl post.

Prank War Still Raging at Hogwarts

It seems the pranking is still in full swing as the school term continues, as this weekend hundreds of crickets were released inside of Hogwarts Castle. This is just the latest event in what seems to be an intrahouse prank war.

We previously reported that slinkies, a muggle toy that is basically a bendable spring that will walk down a flight of stairs on its own, were release throughout the castle. There was mass interruption that day when they were released as the slinkies in the stairwells disturbed the flow of students changing classes.

The current prank wasn’t as colorful or fun as the last. Instead this prank has lead to a multitude of issues. Crickets have been found hopping across tables in the dining hall, chirruping the in the stacks of the library keeping students from being able to concentrate during study sessions. Madam Pince has been seen chasing insects behind the main counter on several occasions.

Not only are these insects interrupting meal times and study sessions there was also an explosion in the potions classroom Monday morning when a cricket was placed in the cauldron of a 7th year Gryffindor who was taking advanced potion making. According to sources inside the school the dungeon that is the home of the potions classroom had to be evacuated and was uninhabitable for the remainder of the day as the acrid smell left from the explosion lingered.

School officials have been trying to determine the best course of action to eradicate the pests from the school, but so far nothing has been very effective. Madam Pomfrey, Hogwarts long time resident Nurse has voice several complaints about the crickets disturbing the rest of the students who are on her ward for magical care. “These students cannot properly heal without rest, and they cannot rest with all of the confounding noise these awful bugs make.”

But it isn’t just the sick and injured students not getting any rest, the crickets it seems has made it as far as Gryffindor Tower and have kept students up for several nights in a row. It seems as if our little pranksters ended up pranking themselves with the latest stunt.

New Flying Instructor Named

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry’s Headmistress Minerva McGonagall announced today that Rolanda Hooch, known to her students as Madam Hooch, has retired. She will be replaced by Hogwarts Alumni Oliver Wood.

Wood was named Quidditch Captain of the Gryffindor House in his fourth year and lead the team to championship victory in his seventh year.  He completed his magical education at Hogwarts in 1994, and went on to be a part of Puddlemere United reserve team.

Several parents have already voiced concerns of a mid year faculty change, but Professor McGonagall stands by her decision to appoint Wood.

“I’ve known Mr. Wood for some time now, he was an excellent quidditch player, a determined captain and he will be an excellent flying instructor.”

We here at The Prophet remember when Harry Potter was selected to be a seeker for Gryffindor during his first year at Hogwarts, the youngest player to join a house team in a century. We agree with the Headmistress and think Wood will have those first years flying high in no time!

Charles Brown Donates to Hogwarts In Lavender Brown’s Memory

The Estate of Charles Brown, surviving father of Lavender Brown has made a substantial donation to the historical arts of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in his daughter’s name. Miss Brown was killed by infamous werewolf Fenrir Greyback at the Battle of Hogwarts during the conclusion of the second Wizarding War.

Mr. Brown has made donations in his daughter’s honor every year on the anniversary of the battle. According to the Schools financial reports, these donations are usually monetary, but this year Mr. Brown added part of his families art collection to the donation including over 50 paintings, 5 suits of armor, 2 tapestries, 3 statues and 10 busts of various notable names in magical advancement.

Mr. Brown is a long time employee with Gringott’s Bank in London, and stated that he and his wife were planning on taking advantage of his upcoming retirement to see the world.

“Traveling is something my family and I loved to do during the school holidays. Lavender always talked of seeing the world, and we have decided to honor her memory by doing just that.”

The Browns have planned themselves a very large excursion with stops in Egypt, Mongolia, Australia, America and Brazil among many others.

Among the paintings that were donated to Hogwarts included a large portrait of Lavender Brown, who was a member of Gryffindor House while she was a student there. The portrait shows a smiling and waving Lavender in a large wingback chair sporting a Gryffindor House sweater and scarf. Her blonde curls bouncing as she waves.

We spoke to Hogwarts Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall who was the Head of House for Gryffindor the 7 years that Lavender was a student there.

“Miss Brown was a very sweet young woman, who brought many smiles to friends that she loved unconditionally. I am honored that Mr. Brown included this particular portrait. It will hang in the common room of Gryffindor Tower for centuries to come.”

McGonagall stated that the other donations that Mr. Brown has made will be distributed throughout the castle and on the grounds for all to appreciate.

Slytherin House Members Go Vegetarian

Hogwarts has seen an uptake in mischief this school term, and it seems like the whole school is in on the action. None of the students have been caught in the act, until now. Slytherin house members were caught in the kitchens after an attempt to charm all of the food for the days dinner into desserts, candies and other various sweets failed in the most opposite way.

Slytherin House members gained access to the kitchen by the portrait that serves as the doorway. (We here at the prophet will not tell you which one young readers- to learn that secret, you’ve got to earn it. It is a Hogwarts right of passage afterall) When the young serpents entered the kitchens shortly before dinner, several of them made a diversion and distracted kitchen staff. The other Slytherin house members then attempted to change the food prepared for that nights meals into “treats of all descriptions.” One of the students was quoted in his disciplinary report as being immensely more disappointed that the charms failed than he was at the fact that they were caught, and apprehended by the schools caretaker, Mr. Filch.

Mr. Filch has been the long standing caretaker at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and is known for his favor towards harsh discipline, he was sorely disappointed when Headmistress McGonagall opted for a rather unorthodox punishment than the hours of detention by hard labor that he lobbied for.

The charm that they intended to transform their standard dinner options into more of a smorgasbord of treats did just the opposite instead, changing all of their dinner options into vegetables. Some cooked, some raw.

The Headmistress decided that the perfect punishment would be to leave the food as they were for dinner that evening, and has even gone so far as to declare that once a week, for the remainder of the term they will a “vegetarian style dinner”.

Slytherin House members who were not involved in the prank were appalled by this decision and several of them have gone so far as to start a petition to revoke this new menu plan. And they are not the only ones upset by this newly instated policy. A 5th year Ravenclaw member complained that she cannot keep up with her study schedule on just “bunny food”. “I signed that petition the first time I saw it” she told us in a short interview, “I have a very thorough study schedule, and I need energy to get through it, I simply can’t get the energy I need from a vegetarian diet.”

Hufflepuff House members in general seemed not to be as bothered by the new change, but one was very upset about the prank itself. “They couldn’t have chosen a worse night to pull such a ridiculous stunt. It was fried chicken night… what they did was inexcusable.” When this student was asked what made that night different from any other she was quoted as saying, “I had my heart set on fried chicken all day….and then I got to dinner and all we had were Brussel sprouts and salads. Not cool man, not cool.”

Not all students were upset with the new change however. Many were thrilled with the idea of a vegetarian night. “We’ve been asking for more vegetarian/vegan friendly options for years” 7th year Gryffindor said, “We have submitted multiple proposals and even offered to set up volunteers to work in the schools gardens to help with the increase of produce usage in the kitchens, but all of our efforts were denied. I’m not sure what made the Headmistress decide to put this plan into action now of all times, but we will definitely rally together and keep that petition from stopping them from happening.”

Slytherin House members suffered more than just the veggies that night, each student caught lost their house 20 points each, putting them dead last in the race for the House Cup. They may still have a chance to earn those points back, and bring Slytherin House back to glory, but they won’t have an easy time of it.

We here at The Prophet would like your take on this unique situation. Are you for or against your students having vegetarian nights at Hogwarts? Let us know where you stand!

Commerce in Hogwarts Down Governors Bewildered

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizard reports a surprising decrease in the number of sales from their on-campus store.

Young witches and wizards alike have been purchasing they house apparel from the school store for generations. But over the course of this school term, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall reports an alarming decline in sales. The school’s Board of Governors were very concerned about this hit button issue from the agenda of last week’s meeting.

Funding from the school store goes towards several funds needed to keep the school functioning normally, and without that funding, many students may see some of their favorite activities suspended, or even disbanded indefinitely.

The Governors have opened their own investigation into this issue and have made it a priority to find a resolution as quickly as possible.

The School Governors have as of this morning received a report on an independent investigation performed by the staff here at the Prophet which sites the main cause of the declining sales.

Many of the students and family members are buying their apparel from different vendors, many of which have seemingly popped up overnight. The merchandise being sold by the vendors are almost identical to the official Hogwarts merchandise sold on Hogwarts grounds and far more inexpensive.

We have purchased our fair share of items from multiple vendors and have found minor inconsistencies with the products when compared to the products being sold at Hogwarts. The discrepancies are almost invisible to the naked eye, most of which being a vague difference in the shape of the fonts, the size lettering on the emblems of the houses. For example; the official Slytherin house crest has a silver serpent, where an item purchased in Hogsmeade bears a gray serpent. And the official Ravenclaw crest is an eagle, but the pennant purchase in Diagon alley bears a hawk.

Further investigation proves that not all of the vendors selling these items have the proper licenses to do so.

We would like to issue caution to anyone making purchases of Hogwarts apparel that it is not deemed official merchandise, and you could face fines for their purchase.

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